Monday, 19 December 2011

Re-Offender



I haven't been blogging as much for the past ... 6 months or so, and that's been a routine. I blog like hell for a few months, then I go on hiatus for a year. I just don't know if anybody actually bothers reading this stuff, not that it should matter, but I like knowing that some people are interested in my thoughts. I'm contemplating moving to wordpress or something, because Blogger just feels so outdated. I don't even know the pros/cons of wordpress lol so that might be pointless. Not like moving will help me write any better.

Anyway, I'm in that pickle where you don't really have anyone who'll understand the complexities of your mind except yourself, and writing it all out is the best way to put your thoughts into something concrete. There's always the problem of wording it, though. Thoughts are so intangible, but so potent. It's so difficult to put what you really mean into words.

Oh, language, you're a funny thing.

I'm a bit inconsistent when it comes to trusting. It's so hard to gain, but so easy to lose. Like a reputation, I guess. I've always been a bit too trusting. Once you're a regular in my life, I don't really hold back when it comes to trust. I'm always wary, though. With everyone. I always assume something bad might be brewing, or that a friend might have a secret grudge against me. I guess that doesn't make me so trusting after all. Or maybe it does, I'm probably just paranoid.

There's this one person who constantly lets me down, and I always pull out more chances. I guess when you love someone you start off by saying "one more chance," or "this is the last time," but you never really mean it once that second, third, fourth, time comes around. I'm lost in that grey-zone of "What I Should Know" when it comes to another person's life. We all have things we hide from certain people, like from parents, people you aren't close to, boyfriends, even. I guess I don't like hiding things from boyfriends, and I don't like things hidden from me, I like to know exactly where I stand. But based on all the recurring issues, I suppose that the universe is trying to tell me that it's naive to assume you know everything.
It's probably also naive to assume that someone can permanently stop hurting you.
It's also naive to assume that you aren't hurting the other person.

I'm naive.