Sunday, 11 March 2012

My heart knows nothing's free

I've been told a few times that I have "no reason to be insecure." Sure, I know what you're thinking, "Joanna's insecure?" or "Oh juicy blog posts about insecurities!" but no, you're wrong. I didn't even know that I was insecure, actually. I mean, of course, every person has their insecurities, but my moments of self-doubt don't deserve to earn me the title of insecure. In fact, I feel like I've been branded by other people instead of coming to these realizations myself. Let me get this straight, guys- I am not insecure.

Which leads me to my next thought, why do people think I'm insecure? Is it because I don't fix myself up for school every day? Is it because I don't like unnecessary attention? Is it because I want to be good at what I do, and am extra hard on myself? Or do I just emit a 'lack-of-confidence' aura everywhere I go, 'cause that would suck. Personally, I don't feel like the loudest person in the room is necessarily the most confident. Neither is the one who shows the most skin. In fact, those are the people who feel the need to draw extra attention to themselves so they feel some kind of worth.

I used to be loud. Who am I kidding, I am loud when given the right company- but I've toned down. I guess my levels of introvert-ness rised when my dad passed away (it just happens). Now, I feel more comfortable in my own thoughts and I find identity in my hobbies and opinions, in what I do. I never feel like I need attention to feel satisfied, since when did that make a person insecure?

It's annoying having all these people going on about how you have no reason to be insecure, don't get me wrong, I'd love to hear those things if I actually was insecure, and everyone loves supportive company, but when they're reassuring you of a problem that doesn't exist, it's kind of .. weird. 

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