Friday, 2 May 2014

Maybe I’ve been watching too much Breaking Bad but all I can think of is that our relationship is like terminal cancer. We can try to buy as much time as we can, do what it takes to make it worthwhile in the meantime, but inevitably, it’s going to end. You’re going to go do your thing, and I’m going to do mine.

You can tell me as much as you’d like that I’m a factor in your decision. But it gets clearer each day that the more you learn about your opportunities elsewhere, the less of a factor I become. It hurts me terribly to think of the more realistic outcome should you be faced with a real opportunity that could launch your music career. The time, money, and passion you invested in music, the fact that it’s your biggest dream, and the pressure you feel to get the ball rolling … it makes no sense to lose that to a girl you’ve dated for a year or two. And I know that the only way I’d stay in the picture is if you could have both. But if you had to choose one, I know it wouldn’t be me. And I guess I make it easier by telling you that I wouldn’t want it to be me. Because I couldn’t be the thing standing in between you and your dream. And who knows, maybe we’ll break up before you even reach that crossroad. Maybe you wont have to choose at all. 
(Thoughts at 2AM)


Liz said...

Ugh you take all my feelings and turn them into words. It's true though, I feel like it's easier to choose things (success, dreams) than it is to choose a person. And sometimes it seems easier to walk away before someone gets a chance to choose something else over you. I don't know how to fix any of that.

Anonymous said...

The pain of having to decide rationally for both of you is unbearable. Like you, the future of the relationship seems rather bleak, almost shrouded by the plans of 'me' rather than 'us'.

It's painful to know how little time there is together, with each day bringing the inevitable closer. In my case however, I seem to be the only one concerned, between the both of us. That alone should be good enough of a reason to take bow and call it quits.

All the conversations seem to point in the direction of "I am going to do this, but I've never thought of what would become of us because it's too early to say."

It leaves me wondering if I should wait till your priorities can accommodate the both of us, or should I do the rational, logical thing next, which is to leave right now. But love is rarely rational, hence I am still in the same spot as I was when thoughts of the future first surfaced.

All I want to say is, I think I understand your predicament because of my situation and I do hope the very best for you no matter how things turn out to be. Trust in yourself.

You and me, we've never met before and it's my first time reading your blog. I enjoyed your short entries and you write with so much depth and soul. It really provided me with a productive study break :)

Thank you for sharing, otherwise I wouldn't have known someone out there could feel the way I do.