Monday, 3 November 2008

The Lies I weave are, Oh, so Intricate.

Hey, I've been up at the province recently, All Saints Day thingger, so I apologize for the lack of updates. Anyway, I wrote quite a bit while I was up there, so I'm just gonna display them in one post. Comment, loves. :)

27. 10.08

like a rope,
My head so still,
my mind set loose,
fighting to break free.
Desperate to escape
the boredom
I've been tied to.
I plan,
Work with what I've got.
I leash my desperation
and tame it to a wander.
Frolic amongst items of
the past.
And feel somewhat satisfied.

Scent of Thai cuisine,
wafts through these hallways,
sparking my memory
of blue skies splashed overhead,
of salt water smacking your lips,
of coconut tanning on glazed on skin,
and tropical cocktails by the pool.

28. 10.08

Left modern suburbia
for a few days.
Find myself back
to simpler times.
hedonistic lifestyles.
Maybe this is what I need?
Maybe spending time
among people with no purpose
will help me see the bigger picture?

Floating through unknown existence
dragging myself onwards,
my hands grip at the surrounding void,
searching for some kind of foothold.
Desperate to grasp the reality
resting right before my eyes
like a strand of long-lost memory
lingering at the back of my mind
fight to take a breath I don't need
yearn to uncover what it is
that's missing
feels so close, but out of reach.

You had your whole future carefully planned and assembled, and you were so proud of it. It was like a priceless ornament you held up for us to marvel at, and we did. I was so proud of you, you had direction. You had so much going for you. That's why I constantly hope you know I never intended to shatter those dreams. I would never do that to you, you know that right? I can't stop thinking about my betrayal, what I did. I can't move on from it. And I wont, until I know you forgive me. So please, give me any Heaven-sent sign.


Have I lost myself? Have I forgotten who I am? Am I just a shell, held upright by mannerisms? Where have I gone? Where is the purpose that once so surely kept me striding, head held high, heart on sleeve, opinions out in the open?
Where is the once strong girl who carried her world on her shoulders? All that seems to remain are her bones, her world nowhere in sight.
Help me find myself. Give me a reason to carry on.

Can't remember the last time
I felt so withered,
so emotionally drained.
As if it took all my strength
to stop myself from telling her
how violated I felt.
It's not the shock,
not the paranoia,
that was expected,
I'm not raging,
more like in disbelief,
I feel shook.
As if somebody intruded my mind and discovered my thoughts.


monn said...

Jo, honestly, its more beautiful than it'll ever be worrying - if you get what I mean?
expressing yourself never sounded more melancholy...but it's still moving.

and of course, i love you. duh =)

Joanna Superstuff said...

i dont get what you mean.

thanks! :)

Lienne said...

i'm so glad you express yourself so graphically. it's gorgeous.


monn said...

hahah. i meant, it's slightly worrying how sad it sounds...but it's beautiful and distracts me from the worrying .

even though i don't need to worry.

YANI said...

Joanna your writings are wonderful.

minaaa said...

"saltwater smaking your lips" - yummmm - so many brilliant quotes there babe, if I comment on all this post will never end. and i love the lethargy constrain rope head thing ;)

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