The Lies I weave are, Oh, so Intricate.

Hey, I've been up at the province recently, All Saints Day thingger, so I apologize for the lack of updates. Anyway, I wrote quite a bit while I was up there, so I'm just gonna display them in one post. Comment, loves. :)

27. 10.08

Lethargy;

like a rope,

constrains.

My head so still,

my mind set loose,

fighting to break free.

Desperate to escape

the boredom

I've been tied to.

I plan,

strategize.

Work with what I've got.

I leash my desperation

and tame it to a wander.

Frolic amongst items of

the past.

And feel somewhat satisfied.

Scent of Thai cuisine,

wafts through these hallways,

sparking my memory

of blue skies splashed overhead,

of salt water smacking your lips,

of coconut tanning on glazed on skin,

and tropical cocktails by the pool.

28. 10.08

Left modern suburbia

for a few days.

Find myself back

to simpler times.

hedonistic lifestyles.

Maybe this is what I need?

Maybe spending time

among people with no purpose

will help me see the bigger picture?

Floating through unknown existence

dragging myself onwards,

my hands grip at the surrounding void,

searching for some kind of foothold.

Desperate to grasp the reality

resting right before my eyes

like a strand of long-lost memory

lingering at the back of my mind

fight to take a breath I don't need

yearn to uncover what it is

that's missing

feels so close, but out of reach.

You had your whole future carefully planned and assembled, and you were so proud of it. It was like a priceless ornament you held up for us to marvel at, and we did. I was so proud of you, you had direction. You had so much going for you. That's why I constantly hope you know I never intended to shatter those dreams. I would never do that to you, you know that right? I can't stop thinking about my betrayal, what I did. I can't move on from it. And I wont, until I know you forgive me. So please, give me any Heaven-sent sign.

29.10.08

Have I lost myself? Have I forgotten who I am? Am I just a shell, held upright by mannerisms? Where have I gone? Where is the purpose that once so surely kept me striding, head held high, heart on sleeve, opinions out in the open?

Where is the once strong girl who carried her world on her shoulders? All that seems to remain are her bones, her world nowhere in sight.

Help me find myself. Give me a reason to carry on.

NOVEMBER 3, TODAY.

Can't remember the last time

I felt so withered,

so emotionally drained.

As if it took all my strength

to stop myself from telling her

how violated I felt.

It's not the shock,

not the paranoia,

that was expected,

obviously.

I'm not raging,

more like in disbelief,

I feel shook.

As if somebody intruded my mind and discovered my thoughts.