Thursday, 8 November 2012

He was gone.

After years of chaos, the storm finally left along with him. But even the stillness was corrupted.
He didn't have a place here anymore, so I scratched him out of my life, like tabletop graffiti when you didn't do your best. There was a problem, though: His leftovers. The memorabilia that sloshed through our three years and spilled over the brim of our breakup like contaminated water. I couldn't take seeing them. It was like he labelled his name all over my life- especially my bedroom.

I ripped the notes and photos and letters from my walls, the clothes from my hangers, and the bears from my bed, leaving a spray of thumbtacks, clawed closets and lonely pillows that still managed to salt my wounds.

I grabbed his remnants and stuffed them in a shoebox- also from him, collaged in polaroids and pink crepe paper. I laid them to rest in their cardboard coffin and buried it in the farthest, darkest corner under my bed, away from sight and mind.

I thought that I would be okay, but they haunted me still.

4AM nightmares of nostalgia: Our ghost scratching my bed frame. A skinny finger tapping the back of my head as I try to sleep, calling for me to take one last look at the life I was attempting to erase from my memory. Your hand on my knee, your kiss on my neck, your laugh in my air. It was like a corpse under my floorboards- rotting and stinking, and so evidently there. I squeezed my eyes close, tighter than the grip you said I had on you, and evaded the thoughts like I was running through reckless cars on a highway.

But it was impossible. Sooner or later, I knew I was going to get hit.


Anonymous said...

I love your style of writing. Such raw emotions spilled out on a literary canvas of larger-than-life words, phrases and narratives. Your flair lies in capturing the very soul of writing - breathing life into words and stirring the reader's imaginations. Keep on writing! :)

Anonymous said...

This is awesome, Joanna! :) I never knew you were so good at writing. Keep it up! :D Btw, I'm a fellow AIESECer who saw you at NLDC. :)