Summer came like cinnamon, so sweet.

The breeze caressed my cheeks, tossed my hair around and cooled my skin.

The smell of chlorine lingered in the air, the sudden familiarity yanked at my memory, for a few moments, it brought me back to the place i had been longing to go for so long, the place i could only return to in my memory.

Those days where ignorance was bliss, and my young mind could not understand what was going on beneath our roof, going on in the early hours of our household.

I remember that very day, two of my closest childhood friends were with me inside that little kiddy blow-up pool. It's amazing what wonders a child's imagination can create.

I could practically feel that same sun that once illuminated my little face, I could still remember the texture of the plastic i rested my head upon, the temperature of the water we splashed in, and the joy i felt just playing in that little tub, the joy that felt so pure, i had all the joy in the world, mustered by an 8 year old, in a little kiddy blow-up pool, with just 2 loved ones and a child's imagination.

:)

Rant.

Okay, I'm pretty pissed of right now so let me rant, no fancy words, nothing articulate, just a rant. Let the feelings express themselves in their natural form, let them be raw.

FUCK YOU.

You and your stupid desperateness, I swear it's really degrading to be the ex of a flirt. Someone who ALWAYS has a girl, and who moves on in the blink of an eye. It's so stupid cause I DONT EVEN MISS YOU, SO WHY THE HELL DO I CARE? Maybe cause i dont want to be a fool, this is fucking ridiculous, I feel so disrespected it's not even funny, maybe you could've waited a while before getting interested in another girl, God! What the hell, seriously! I mean, it's not that you are interested in a new girl, its just how FAST it took you!! Please, don't deny you aren't interested, why the hell else would you text for two days straight? There's a reason your family teases you. And yeah, okay, we're close so you can tell me things, but there's a LINE as too how much you can say and how soon you say it you insensitive jerk!
God, ever since I've met you, you've ALWAYS had a girl. In fact, didn't you say you liked one of my friends (right after we stopped whatever relationship we had) because it was TOO HARD TO GET OVER ME BY YOURSELF? SEE, THIS JUST PROVES HOW DEPENDENT YOU ARE. Get over someone the right way, time heals all wounds right? What do you think is gonna happen when you just decide to go in for another girl (who, may I add had a thing with one of our friends and "loved" another guy at the same time :|), it's gonna be all peaches and cream? HOW DO YOU THINK SHE WOULD FEEL IF SHE KNEW EVERYTHING? "Oh, you were interested in me although you still missed your girlfriend and couldn't get over her. Doesn't that mean i'm kinda like a doormat?" NO SHIT IT DOES.
Urgh, I will probably regret posting most of this as soon as a few people read it, but I mean, I'm not asking for your feedback or for you to read this. I guess I just dont want to be around you for a bit. Space, right? I never gave us space in the first place, that was obviously a mistake. Well no matter what you say, about you not being over me, it's pretty evident that you are, at least it seems like it, and if you really are telling the truth then WHY THE HELL ARE YOU DEVELOPING A RELATIONSHIP WITH ANOTHER GIRL?! And don't say you aren't, a relationship doesnt necessarily have to be all those "I love you"'s and mushy crap, it can be a friendship, or like.. a relatioship between a dog and it's owner, i guess.
I don't know why people say Dog and Master. It sounds too degrading to dogs, they're owned but they're not little slaves.
anyways, dinner.

We can close the curtains and pretend that it's the weekend.

Make a wish, place it in your heart.
Anything you want, everything you want.
Do you have it? Good.
Now believe it can come true.
You never know where the next miracle is gonna come from,
where the next smile, where the next wish can come true,
but if you believe that it's right around the corner,
and you open your heart and mind
at the possibility of it,
to the certainty of it,
you just might get the thing you're wishing for.
The world is full of magic,
you just have to believe in it.

- OTH.

Isn't it weird how we all load ourselves with endless responsibilities? We take on more than we can manage, we try handle things beyond our control, we give ourselves excuses about why we can't do certain things we want to. When really, we can do anything we want.

Why do we do this? Is it to give us an excuse to feel proud of ourselves? Or to feel important? It's like we need infinite troubles and things to do in order to feel a sense of accomplishment.

Why not act like a kid and do foolish things? We give all these excuses about having too much to do, how it's inappropriate or how we just can't because we're too busy with other things.

Anyone can be young, everyone has the right to be young.
Especially when you are, after all, young.

I need attention to confirm my own presence.

I trail along the shores and watch the water, the foamy waves playing with my toes, a nonsensical game of tag. The sunset so brilliant in the sapphire sky, the clouds scattered across this endless roof over my head, a cushion for the stars if the milky way were to collapse, landing onto those wisps of comfort, showering me with a million lights.

I walk along the city and stare at the neon and chrome, the bright lights look so inviting from a distance, but so impersonal up close. The tall buildings intimidate those who are not familiar, but is just a reminder of home for those who are. No stars here, just the artificial light clogging up the skyline. No clouds in sight, just a black stretch of mass over my head.

Standing here, on this beach, in this city.

Are the footsteps in the sand evidence of my existence?
That I can be here, that I am here? That I breathe and feel?
Are we considered alive if the rest of the world passes by without even noticing us?
Do we still exist if we have no purpose to anyone, if we have no purpose for ourselves?
What makes us present? What makes us exist?

Not life, certainly. But belonging.