Friday, 22 January 2010

A Letter to Myself.

Most of us build up the person in our heads, fill in the blank spaces with our own expectations, only to be confronted with reality and left wondering why things were so different in our heads. I've been a culprit, everyone has, but I'm trying my best to stop. I'm avoiding the "What If's?" and throwing out the imaginary scenarios to cherish and experience what I have in front of me.

Sometimes when I'm lying down, waiting for sleep, I start thinking about how things are with him, and that warm happy feeling washes over me, but it leaves as soon as I recognize it. It's like I hit a brick wall that stops me from feeling too much. I don't know why it's there. It's like something is holding me back from experiencing the full potential of us.

Maybe it is the sour taste that was left after the last relationship. It left me feeling withered, like it just wasn't worth it for a while. And so I took a break, and I loved it. I loved the strength I had in being single, but here were times, many times, I felt lonely and unwanted. So now I'm hesitant to go down that road again. I like things easy and light, but he can be quite intense.

Sorry, I'm rambling. My point is that my resentment of serious relationships is possibly stopping me from opening up completely. Oh well, I may as well en joy all of it while it's still happy and simple :) I'm only 16 and I think that once again, I'm over thinking.

Deep breath and let it go.
Deep breath and live it now.

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