Another weird dream last night.
I was online, on Facebook to be exact, Mikee left a wall post telling me to comment on her picture, so I went to look at them. There was a commenter on one picture, I think I knew her, `cause all of a sudden, I was her.
I was standing in that same house I keep seeing in my dreams, in a black cocktail dress, looking very much like Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's. I had been peeking through the peephole of the door, watching my mother with some man, I just wanted to get his face, then I gave them their privacy.
It happened again, but it was a different man and in the middle of the hallway. The next day, it was in a magazine, so I figured my mother was famous. I was too embarrassed to be seen with her, because the photo had been posted on Facebook, and somebody commented saying "It's okay, mothers have their whore seasons". How embarrassing. She made me go with her to Starbucks, so I wore a beret and a coat to cover up. When we got there, there was a woman with red frizzy hair reading a magazine, she didn't bother to hide her interest in my mother, so she called us over.
The lady was a magazine editor, and she wanted my moms story, but my mom refused all of her offers. The lady's assistant, a blond, asked me if I could preview their new book/magazine. Well, it was pretty much a very thick magazine which wouldn't have anymore issues, I said sure. That's when the weirdness began.
I had only read a few pages when I found myself walking along a desert, there was a ruin ahead of me, so I walked straight on. Like a game, directions on what to do next popped up, so I did as it said, I lay down on the river and let it carry me to the other side. When I got to the other side, I got some kind of object, I can't remember right now. But It said that the stone behind me was Jesus, I was surprised `cause it just looked like a rock, the directions told me that from afar, it looked like he was casting miracles. So I walked back to the other end and I looked back to the rock, it was true, it looked like a man in a robe with a staff, pointing the staff left and right, with golden orbs coming out of the staff. How bizarre.
So my mission was ready, I was to go to some place as a saviour.
I can't really remember what happened, I just remember that they hated me, they made me build their buildings, they kept on insulting me, and it was HORRIBLE. So I decided to fight back, I pulled down one of the slates on the roof, and all of them came crashing down, until just the frame was exposed, the poeple started going mad, and i think it was some kind of town obsessed with wrestling because they all started tackling each other. My "foster parents" (I found out this was cause my real parents went to the province for a few days to the care of these monsters) were having some kind of romantic moment, so they didn't notice, but I got really scared so I ran to the other side of the roof and climbed onto the frame, staying up there. There was one nice guy in the whole town and he asked me to go down, I refused, I was too scared. But eventually I climbed down and rushed into the bathroom.
I had wanted to call my parents, tell them to hurry home because I was being treated like a slave and I was scared, but I didnt have a phone. So I found my blade, and I hesitated with it. But I wanted to die. I just wanted these people to feel their guilt.
So I exposed the blade a little bit, and I dug it into my wrist, pulling it from side to side.
It was deep, and no blood came out, but it was enough to make me cry.
I went outside and I found myself in a house. My house, here in Manila. And I heard my little sister learning to walk, (yeah, I had a little sister who was african american) I can't really remember what happened next, but I know I was scared for her, because she was of a coloured race, and our foster parents were horrible. But I saw them cuddle her, and treat her like a princess, so I felt horrible, like I was unwanted. I looked at the fresh wounds on my wrists and I started crying.
I woke up in my room, with fresh tears pouring out of my eyes, crying "why?"