Wake Up to the Morning Light.

My heart thuds slow but strong; sending through my body a wave of euphoria, creating ripples through my core, reminding me that home is in your arms.
Your presence is my sanity and your absence brings a literal ache; for one so strong, I feel so vulnerable and I enjoy the rare taste of it.
Blissful brushes of your lips against my neck leave me bare and stricken, you kiss my skin, you tease me with your fingertips, you whisper into my ear.
I shiver at your touch.

GABE SAPORTA GAVE ME HIS BALLER.

I am the happiest girl in the universe right now and that's not an exaggeration. I had the best past few days of my entire life, March 25th and 26th 2010 overtook March 7th 2009, but they're both days that make me extremely happy. Here's an insight to what went down:

March 25th: Last day of school.
It started off with me going to Landmark with some friends to go buy white shirts for the Cobra Starship concert. I made a plan dubbed the Sexy Saporta Suicide Society of the Summer Session, inclusive of a map and code names for our members: Gooberstick (Yours truly), Grape Slurple, Girl Scout, Ginger Spice, Gay-Lussacslaw and Gingivitis. They all thought I'm obsessed, and I love to admit that I am. We took a cab to Bel-Air where we started painting our shirts, hung out with Xavi in the park and when our shirts were done, Cami and I took a cab to Magallanes where I got to hang out with my dearly missed 2I classmates. We swam for a while and hung out in Darrens house. It was great to finally catch up with them. After, I took a cab alone to Greenbelt and met up with my G-Girls, we heard that Yshmael Lahamboyjani was there with some other friends so we found them. Auds and I went to the internet cafe just to check Gabe Saportas twitter (obsessiveness up to 64%) and then we went to Bollywood to meet up with the others. We left to go to Curtis' house after, and that was pretty... eventful. Giulia and I wanted to climb the fence of our school and run around on the field but that never managed to happen. We kind of ended that session of the night by sitting on the curb. At 11.30ish, Andreuw and Franz drove up to us and we found out they paid the cab driver php1000 to take us to Franz's house, which was a crazy rip off because we probably would've been able to bribe him with php200 but stupid Andreuw wasn't thinking. We piled 7 people into the cab and when we got to Franz's, Jonathan and Andreuw passed out, Franz, Braulio and Giuila went to cook eggs, Xavi and I stayed in the room to talk.

March 26th
Braulio left around 4am, his mother is that selfless. The others fell asleep when they got back, but I stayed up til around 6 when Franz's maid started knocking on the door because she thought we still had school. Hilarious. Giulia and I left at 6am and I got home to take a shower and grab some money. She picked me up at 7am and we got to Greenbelt and lined up til 11am to get Cobra Starship tickets. Obsession level at 85% she left and the others got there, we bummed around Greenbelt til we started lining up for seats at 3Pm. We were seated at 6pm, at the back, actually, but when the concert started and I went crazy because I saw Gabe Saporta (obsession level 90%) we ran under the barricades and into the VIP section where we stood on chairs and screamed our lungs out. Concert was kickass.

After the show they had that meet and greet thingy and I was standing on top of chairs so I was really elevated, he saw my shirt which said "I love Gabe Saporta more than my boyfriend" and he was like :O and did that "my lips are sealed" action, and then a little later I shouted "CAN I HAVE YOUR BALLER?" and he looked at me and pointed to his baller and was like "this one?" and i nodded but there were people he had to meet and greet so he didn't give it. I was gonna give up but the others told me he would really give it so I asked again, and he actually took it off so I went crazy and I kept saying "I WILL DIE HAPPY IF YOU DO! I LOVE YOU!" and then he actually gave it to their bodyguard, and the girls around me tried to get it but Gabe was like "give it to that girl" and he pointed at me, so the body guard pointed at me to clarify, and gave it to the security guard who gave it to me :D and he wouldn't give them his other baller because that one was a gift :D

Obsession level 100%
I got to talk to him during the CD signing! My life is seriously complete now, I can die happy.
I went to the internet cafe just to update my facebook status and announce it to the world. We went to Franz's house after and then went to pick Giulia up, with Franz being the driver. I was trying to sleep in the backseat but it was really hard. I picked up pieces of their conversation, he was telling them that we've been together for 4 months. I was probably smiling in my sleep.
We p icked up Giu then got back to Franz's. They went to the ktichen so I went ahead to Franz's room and fell asleep. Woke up around 1, we left around 2am.
Got home, crashed after not sleeping properly for 45 hours.

Woke up at 2pm with Gabe Saporta's baller on my hand.
About to leave to get my nails done, dye Giu's hair and go to Encore tonight to see JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE, baby.

x

You Aren't Supposed to Die on a Saturday Night

So the final act of this school year is almost finished and we are getting ready for the final curtain call. It's funny, I remember the first day so vividly. We awkwardly stood around and sat in our places, afraid to breathe, even. The shyness was so dense we could practically smell it. We smiled politely at each other but never said a word. We were known as an angelic class, one who listened intently and remained silent, even when asked questions. But throughout the year, our barriers started falling and we started to allow our true selves shine through. 3A became noisier, became funnier and most importantly, became closer.

I will not forget the bonding moments that we shared, such as our first Recollection, Sabayan; Songfest, where our carefree spirits disappointed the teachers, who were expecting so much more from us. That was the first time we were really yelled at, but we didn't care, because we had fun and it wasn't about them, it was about us; Our door and parole decorations, where we worked so hard as a group to prove that we are not useless, and ended up proving right; The Christmas party; The Field trip; That time where our classmates were so noisy, Ms Reyes made them line up outside and walk around the 3rd Year floor, bowing their heads in shame; The time Mrs Cruzado pretended to be furious at us, causing Chuku and I to cry; The time Mr Almerino ripped up our papers; Our class "agapes" and many, many more.

Third year was, as they say, the hardest year. But it was made easier with all the laughs, made more memorable with all the moments, and made more important with all the lessons. Not the lessons we learned in our subjects, but the lessons we learned from one another.

So, to 3A, this isn't goodbye, but thank you for making this year amazing, and good luck next year :)

Here She Lies; No One Knew Her Worth.

One of my favourite teachers has been terminated from office, and the news has shook me. I'm astounded that our school can rid of such a passionate, driven and influential force. I couldn't properly express the anger, disbelief and irritation with my own voice, so I resorted to my notebook (as usual) I wrote this as soon as I found out, and I was on the brink of tears when I finished. Friends asked me if I was alright, but all I could do was swallow my shaky words and nod "Yes".

Dear Mr San Juan,

Where do I begin? I find it hard to believe that you will no longer be teaching us in Sp. Filipino next year. In fact, the very idea that you won't be walking the halls of CSA any longer breaks my heart. This may be surprising, coming from me, but the respect and appreciation I have for you is far, far more than it seems. You are one of those teachers whose words embed themselves in our hearts and minds and you have taught me far more than just Filipino. You have taught me the importance of loving your culture, fighting for justice and freedom and serving with your abilities. You are truly an inspiration and I know you are one of the teachers I will never forget. One who's passion and conviction has been so strong that I will carry it with me far into the future. I'm truly sorry for attributing to the hassle that Sp. Fil has become for you, I hope you understand that we are how we are because we're so fond of you. You have made the last two years of Sp. Fil very enjoyable, something I look forward to. Good luck to where you go next, though I am certain you will succeed no matter where life takes you. Your drive and restless spirit will take you far. Continue writing and fighting for what is right! I hope to see your name in print someday! And with a heavy spirit and tears forming at the corners of my eyes, I just have to say thank you so much for affecting my life.

Joanna Kennedy.

Moonbeam;

I give you so much of myself, but it doesn't seem to be enough. I'm sorry that I tend to make you feel unappreciated, believe me, it's the last thing I want to do. Simply knowing that you're under the same roof gets me smiling, simply knowing that I can brighten your day makes me feel the highest sense of satisfaction. I don't mean to seem like I don't care at times, or that I don't want you around. I always do, it sounds extremely sappy, but I miss you when you aren't beside me. I hope you understand that although I love you very much, my world does not revolve around you. I can't make you my top priority all the time, but I can be here for you whenever you need me. And I promise you that I will be.

I Want To Bury You In The Garden.

There's something so pleasant about breezy Sunday's spent searching for new music and reading about the daily events of my favourite bloggers, and of course, blogging about my own daily events. I have neglected my passion for writing for the longest time, involuntarily. I cannot help but succumb to the fast-paced stream of photoblogs, rather than written ones. But I suppose after reading a few of the online diaries belonging to very interesting personalities, I would like to devote more time to nurturing what used to be my "escape". This blog is a part of me and although it may seem nonsensical to most, it holds many precious feelings that were too personal to be spoken aloud. But what irony, as the internet is probably the most public place on Earth. I suppose it is the feeling of seclusion in my own private world, that this blog gives me. When spoken words travel so fast on sharp tongues, which are abundant in the place I happen to be.
My blog has always been the one I pour myself out to, which is probably why it is so difficult for me to express my sadness to people, now. The best I can do is stumble across the words that sound so perfect in my head, but never quite right when they slip out of my mouth. I always just end up sighing and muttering, "I don't know" over and over.

I should fix that.

I've got sunshine in a bag.

Feeling like I'm not good enough.

A bitter and slightly sour taste.
Wrath. Envy. Pride.
All mixed into one.
Lingering in my mouth since the first daybreak.

I wish you could be supportive. What you do, whether it be unintentional or not, hurts. It makes me feel like I can't do things because if you can't even stand behind me on this, then who else would? What is it that's wrong with me? Why is it that other people believe more in me than you do? Why does the authentic surprise wash over your face when I tell you something I'm proud of? Why is there the expected skeptical cock of the eyebrow every time I tell you one of my goals? Why is there always some kind of comment, sharp as a knife ripping through me? Why can't you just smile with the truth in your eyes and tell me something I want to hear, for once? All I want to be to you is good enough. I am so much better than what you have experienced in the past. I am so much better than so many others out there. Why can't you see that?