Tuesday, 6 April 2010

I refuse.

I've been numb since yesterday. I find it wise to keep face and stay calm when the people around you are falling apart. In the midst of all this chaos, I want to be what remains stable. I will let myself feel the pain when you no longer need me to be sane.

The Gates of Hell have just creaked open and I am dragged in without time to think. I do not kick, I do not scream, I remain composed as if my face has been masked for my own protection. I know better, though. And it is not for my own, but for others.

I look every demon in the eye except for those which live in me, those which caress my idle thoughts from the back of my mind and linger in between questions of wrong and right.

I just got here, but I cannot wait to get out, I am slowly sinking deeper in my own denial. Time either freezes, or melts into itself, creating an illusion of eternity. Either way, I am lost in the hazy emotion I refuse feel.

There is nowhere to run, for every time I try,
I find myself at the same crossroad.