Bittersweet Goodbye #4: With Tainted Hands

I feel the thin layers of skin and flesh rip beneath these blades, your eyes, which were once bright and full of innocence, are now blank and lifeless, staring into the after world. Your blood pours out onto the table, your flesh glistens in the light. My fingertips dance across your skin, your icy cold skin. I remember rocking you in my arms, singing lullabies in the softest voice. And now I see your body beneath my hands; Your raw, tender skin; my bloody, tainted hands. The blood drips from the corners of my mouth, the skin sticks between my teeth, the flesh slides down my throat.

My eyes are misting over. The images cross the threshold of my mind, along with the broken promises; of a bright future, of security, and my biggest failure: my promise of love. I had hope in you. I was going to make you a better person than I ever was. You were my chance, my only chance to be able to look in the mirror and not hate everything I see.

I remember all the things I wanted to do and become in life, and each day is a reminder that I didn’t become any one of them. There’s only so much a person can take, my child. And I can’t take it, I can’t control it; this disease, this thing that’s taking over my mind. I just can’t, because my dear child, you are not the first. And you probably will not be the last.

Your fingertips across my skin

The palm trees swaying in the wind

You sang me Spanish lullabies

The sweetest sadness in your eyes

Clever trick

Well, I never want to see you unhappy

I thought you'd want the same for me

Did I make it that

Easy to walk right in and out

Of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

Should have known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

Thanks to Gian for the help.