Sunday, 4 January 2009

Wake up the Dawn and ask her, Why?

How wrong is it to wish a person to death? To ask God to take that person's life because you're so sick of them. Is it really such a horrible act? How about if that person is causing so much pain, is suffering himself, and probably has no future left?

It's funny how I'm my strongest when i'm surrounded by weaker, more emotional people. I sense their despair and i know i have to hold myself together. Seeing them grieve is also what makes me feel strong. It's not like i feed off their sadness, i just realise that there's no need for two weepers in a confined space.

My mother's tears gathered at the rim of her eyes, she was trying her best to disguise them, but I always know when she's about to cry because her nose turns red. I kept to myself, arms clutched around my body, so that i wouldn't fall apart. I hate seeing her cry, she is so strong and when i finally see that every superhero has a weakness, i see darkness which wasn't there before. I heard the profanities leaking out of his mouth, each word tainted with anger and depression, his eyes glazed over, like a blind man. He cursed and cursed as if he was suffering a thousand deaths, and even though i knew it wasn't in his control, anger surged beneath my skin, and i silently told myself, I hate him.

When he was out of the room, my mother turned to me with her sorry face, and shook her head.
"Why can't God take him?" She whispered to me. Secretly, I was asking the same thing.
"Why is God making us suffer like this? Why is God making him suffer? It would be better if he took him, please, God, please."
I know it was a horrible thing to wish for, but I really do think he'd be better off in heaven, where he wouldn't have to pay to fly to the moon, where he can see his dearly beloved stars, where he can experience spring on Jupiter and Mars.

1 comment:

Lienne said...

that is one of the saddest blog entries i have ever read from you.
keep your chin up soldier :) s virtual hug is coming your way.

does that make sense?